I've come down with something in the last several days, and I don't think there's anything anyone can do about it. I've got a fever, and this time I don't think that more cowbell is the answer. I take some comfort, though, in knowing that I'm not alone in my illness. No, there are at least 20 other people in my running group, and probably thousands more (whether they'll admit it or not is another story) who have the same disease.
It's BOSTONTIRIKULITIS. < Cue dramatic violin. >
What is Bostontirikulitis, you ask?
Bostontirikulitis, according to the encyclopedia Jodavisannica, is "a brain disorder that causes one to only be able to think about running and nutrition in the weeks leading up to the Boston Marathon. Symptoms include forgetting people's names, forgetting things you were just told, blank stares when trying to discuss anything other than Boston, and finding not funny things very funny. The only known cure is to set a PR."
Bostontirikulitis, thus far, has manifested itself in numerous different ways, but we are continually observing new symptoms each and every day. The symptoms range from the subtle (blank stares of glassy-eyed runners who only respond to words such as "speedwork", "long run", "taper", "pacing strategy", "bib number", or "corral") to the perplexing (“president of my corral”), to the obviously overt ("oh-my-god-I-dropped-the-pliers-and-have-to-get-them-out-because-I-CAN'T-miss-the-last-speedwork-tomorrow-before-Boston-so-I'll-call-the-locksmith-and-give-him-a-chunk-of-change-to-get-them-out-because-it's-midnight!!"), and everything in-between. Chances are, if you're running this race, or if you ever have, or if you know someone who is, you've seen the symptoms but might not have recognized them. I urge you to be aware of them and watch for signs of this disease in runners you know, and to exercise patience (and possibly restraint) as they work through Bostontirikulitis. In most cases, it will run its course in about two weeks, but you should also be prepared for the onslaught of a related illness known as Post-Bostontirikulitisdepressionilicisim. This is a specific derivation of a more widely known malaise (Greek name: Post-longassdistanceracecompleteddepressionilicisim) that sets in following the completion of any long-distance race (very commonly the marathon), when the runner, for recovery purposes, is not allowed to run, but is resigned to walking, then running only very short distances for a certain period of time. Each runner may manifest different symptoms, however it is generally marked in all runners by a sense of purposelessness and loss of direction. It is, fortunately, temporary, as most of these fleet-footed types resume training within 3 to 6 weeks for yet another chance to toe the line.
Please consider this your public service announcement concerning Bostontirikulitis. While it is somewhat contagious (I was diagnosed just this past weekend), those of us with the disease are doing our best to control the symptoms and anticipate a "speedy" recovery. We thank you for your understanding.
Relentless Forward Motion, Ya'll...
(Thank you to JD and Kathy for providing the inspiration for this entry.)
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